Moments with Michelle

Born to be a Pharisee?

Lately, I’ve been reading through the Gospel of Mark with one of the ladies that I mentor and I’ve been struck with the thought that I identify more with the Pharisees than the disciples in a lot of ways.  Over and over, the Pharisees are concerned with the rules and the fact that Jesus doesn’t fit their mold of who a religious leader (much less the Messiah) should be.  I’m pretty certain that had I lived during that time, I would’ve been with the Pharisees in asking, “How come the One who supposedly came to fulfill the law isn’t following the law?”  Thank God for grace!!

Onto another note with law/rules.  I understand the point that is reiterated by Paul throughout the New Testament that the law was given to us to show us how far short we fall of God’s requirements for holiness.  I get that - I do fall short of the law of Moses as found in the 10 Commandments and elsewhere.  However, I don’t identify with those who say that rules call us to disobey.  Many people say that once they are told not to do something, that is the only thing they desire to do.  A “Don’t walk on the grass” sign is an invitation to go frolicking on said grass, etc.  I just don’t function that way.  I enjoy rules.  They tell me what is expected of me in the situation and what is deemed appropriate.  They give me borders which I am happy to stay inside.  And I think I’ve always liked rules.

One example:  When I was a little girl, from early November until Christmas the guest bedroom of our house became ‘the Christmas room.’  The door was shut and I was told not to go in there.  I knew that my gifts were in there.  But I wasn’t the average child who needed locks on that door to stay out (and still might find a way in).  Being told that I was not supposed to go into that room was enough.  It’s like I knew fun things were in there and they were mine, I just had to wait until the appointed time to get them. If only all of life had such clear-cut rules…

The Sin of Sarcasm?

(The following was taken from something my friend Robert posted on Facebook.  It accurately expresses many aspects of sarcasm that I believe to be true and to be a way in which we do not reflect God’s glory to the world.)

1. Sarcasm is a lie and not the language of the Kingdom.

When I make a sarcastic comment I lie, assuming my listener knows my words to be untrue. What a trick of the devil to put lies in the mouths of Christians! It is only when we are honest with ourselves and with others that we can speak the language of the Kingdom. If we cannot speak the language of the Kingdom, how can we expect to live at peace with its residents?

Who speaks lies as his native language? Not Jesus.

Lies are the language of Satan. “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” John 8:44 

2. Sarcasm fosters insecurity.

Sarcasm often comes either out of a place of insecurity or into a place of insecurity. Think of it like a bank, people deposit their insecurities into sarcasm and then get them back with interest.

3. Sarcasm interferes with authentic community.

The things we say sarcastically are often things we are unable to say seriously but still feel. True intimacy and community are hard to find because of this. It can often be a challenge to sort out the truth from lies when a sarcastic person speaks. The people making sarcastic comments sometimes are unsure of the truth themselves.

Buried within many sarcastic comments hides a small nugget of truth. Sometimes people say what they feel sarcastically so they can’t be held responsible for their true feelings. Their sarcasm allows them to maintain their mask of hypocrisy. This hinders both communication and authentic community.

4. Sarcasm discourages inquisitiveness.

In my experience sarcasm is often used to deride people for asking simple questions. It causes some people to be cautious to talk at all, particularly to strangers. I ask simple questions. When I reveal my ignorance on a topic I often must brace for the sarcastic blow that may or may not fall. My confidence is in Christ and not myself so these comments do not destroy me but are nevertheless unappreciated. I think we would all learn a lot more if we were a lot less sarcastic.

5. Sarcasm Interferes with good leadership.

Secure people make good leaders. If sarcasm is a symptom of insecurity then the better a leader you are the less sarcastic you will be. Can you Imagen Moses, Jesus or William Wilberforce being sarcastic? Sarcasm is like a false save that temporarily numbs our pain of our insecurities but ultimately makes the root problem worse. One of the things I admire about John Moore, our college pastor, is how authentic he is. John is a speaker of the truth and I appreciate that.

The false save of sarcasm keeps dells our pain and keeps us from taking our insecurities to Christ. Sarcasm hinders communication and undermines trust. Vital elements of good leadership.

6. Sarcasm undermines true humor.

Some people are naturally funny. They put those around them at ease by finding the lighter side of life. Others, myself included, try to compensate for their lack of humor through sarcasm. Yet sarcastic “jokes” are rarely funny and they rarely put people at ease.

Sarcastic remarks are easy to make and keep us from cracking jokes that are actually funny. How many times have you ever belly laughed to a sarcastic comment? The best you can hope for from sarcasm is snicker.

7. Sarcasm is the language of bullies.

Sarcasm can be used as a way to attack other people without given them a chance to respond. It is like a kid with a bat in one hand and a trash can lid in the other. When he says a biting sarcastic comment (bat) he defends himself (lid) by saying he was only joking. He can then take a second swing with the bat by accusing the listener of having no sense of humor.

The only way the other children could play with such a bully is if they too get bats and lids. This is how sarcasm like a virus infects a community.

Do you ever remember coming home from school crying because a bully said something mean. What did he tell the teacher? “I was only joking.” I contend that sarcasm is still a subtle form of bullying, regardless of age.

Conclusion

There is a difference between sarcasm and hyperbole. Hyperbole is the contrasting of extremes to make a point. So when God tells Job to tell him how the world was formed since “Job was there” God is using hyperbole to emphasize the fact that Job was not there and does not know. While like sarcasm hyperbole is different in the fact that it makes the truth clear instead of cloudy.

This article is written Thomas Umstattd Jr.

Know Your Role

Ok, so this title is from something that people used to say back in the 90’s.  I remember in high school when people would step out of line (i.e. - not quite fit into the stereotype they were supposed to at the age of 17), someone would call them out by saying, “know your role.”  However, the thought process this post is addressing started much more recently - in the past couple of weeks.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how I wanted to declare “I’m not a wife” day so I could get some things done around my house.  Then, I took a whole Saturday to get lots done around the house - 4 loads of laundry, hung 2 blinds, cleaned 2 bathrooms, and dusted everything - and I called this my “wives day.”  Last weekend, I was discussing this with a few friends - my need to get things done around the house and often feeling like I’m not allowed to do that because I’m single and don’t get to take the aforementioned “wives day.”

One of my friends who has previously expressed this same frustration, and is now approaching her own marriage, commented that in preparing for her role as a wife she has begun to understand more the need for a wives’ day.  Because the role of a wife is to be a helpmate for her husband and to demonstrate her love and respect for him by maintaining their home, there is a Biblical basis for a wives’ day.  Honestly, that comment stung.  My first thought was, ‘Great.  So, I get to do everything alone and not share my life with anyone who cares deeply about me.  Yet I’m not allowed to take the time to keep my house nice because I don’t have a husband.’  However, as you can see that thought process was quite rude and reactionary - thus, I said nothing.  But I have been thinking about this for the past week.

What is my role as a single woman?  Is it wrong for me to desire to take time out of my life to keep my home welcoming?

Over this week, I have felt a lot of things - frustration at having to handle everything alone, sadness when I think of the many relationships in my life in which I have to do all the initiating, happiness that I’m not dealing with the pain of divorce that many of my friends are now experiencing, feeling self-absorbed that I’m focused on these thoughts when others have so much bigger stuff to deal with.  But today someone else expressed exactly what I’ve been feeling.

We have been spending time each Sunday evening allowing one of the members of our group to share their life story.  Today, the lady who shared her story talked of her desire to be a helpmate.  She said she didn’t desire marriage because she was lonely (she had kids with whom she has a great relationship), but because she had a longing in her heart to serve and love a husband.  That’s my longing - I desire to serve a man who I love and respect, a man who loves the Lord and expresses God’s love to me.

Will God fulfill this desire?  In the meantime, how can I know my role?

New Experience #26 - International Dinner & Discussion

Greensboro is home to a plethora of cultures.  We have refugees, international students, foreign restaurants, and more than one Asian market.  There is a Starbucks a few miles from my house where you can hear at least 3 languages at any given time.  I can have my own international experience without even leaving my city!!

This past Friday night, November 6th, was just such an experience.  ISI, International Students Inc., a ministry to international students in Greensboro, hosts regular dinners and discussions for international students and those of us who love them.  The students are invited to an American home to have regular American food - not hamburgers and pizza, which unfortunately is what many of them see as American.  After dinner, there is a discussion about some topic and students are able to participate as much, or as little, as they would like.

Colea and I met at the specified meeting area at UNCG and introduced ourselves to 3 male students - Luca from Italy, Max and Mohamed from France.  A few minutes later, a large group of Asian students arrived, most of whom are from Japan and are studying English at UNCG as part of the Disney internship program.  We headed over to the home where we would have dinner with 3 of the girls from Japan riding with us - Yuna, Yoshiko, and Sunmei.

Dinner was a bit like Thanksgiving with turkey and green bean casserole and pumpkin pie.  We talked with the students about what American foods they liked.  And also were reminded that people from other countries speak at least 2, and often 4-5, other languages whereas we Americans rely on everyone else to speak English.  That made me a bit sad.  I had a great conversation with a girl from China, Ree, who is studying for her Masters at UNCG.  And when I turned around, Colea was in the middle of a group of about 6 Asian girls all enjoying conversation.

There were at least 50 international students at the dinner, so we broke up into smaller groups for the discussion time - about 12-15 people.  The topic for discussion was “What is truth and what are our sources for truth?”  We talked about how we know things like the fact that ice is cold, that stars are made of gases, or that there is a God.  Some of the sources for truth that were most popular were trusted adults, research, personal experience, and holy books such as the Bible and Quran.  It was really interesting to hear one Muslim girl from India express her faith in the words of the Quran and share some passages with us in Arabic.  And I was able to share my own belief in Christ and why I would not react to fear with news of my impending death.

It was such a fun night and I got to travel all over the world (Italy, France, Japan, Nigeria, Hungary, Poland, India, Iran) without ever leaving Greensboro.

4 more new experiences to go…

My righteousness?

During the worship song portion of the service today at church, we were singing a song about our love for God.  I don’t know the name, but the first verse/chorus is basically, “I’m madly in love with You.”  Now, I’m sure this song was a bit tainted for me because I just don’t like repetitive worship songs.  I like to sing deep, meaningful words - like hymns that really reveal the nature of God.  I realize I’m a little odd in this preference.  Many, many people like very emotive worship songs and their favorite part of a service is the music.  I’m just not one of those people.

However, the second verse got me thinking (literally - I was so caught up in my thought process that I completely stopped singing).  There was a line that said “to You I give my righteousness.”  I have no righteousness apart from Christ.  Jesus died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins and His righteousness was bestowed upon me.  What righteousness can I give to God?  This doesn’t even make sense.  Needless to say, I’m not a fan of this song.

But lest you think I was deterred from worshiping the Lord during the rest of the service, let me just tell you that we then recited The Nicene Creed (such affirming truths) and the children’s choir sang (always a fun adventure).

Why Student Ministry?

One in every 5 teenagers has sent inappropriate photos of themselves via cell phone.  That means that 20% of teens are doing things like sending pics of themselves unclothed to their peers of the opposite sex.  Think it’s not happening in small-town USA?

A youth ministry intern I know personally walked into the bathroom at a youth event (at the church) and caught one of her girls taking topless photos with her cell phone to send to a guy.

Students are searching for love and acceptance.  Honestly, we all are.  But younger people are just less adept at hiding that need.  That’s why I work with students.  I can impact their lives, both on earth and eternally, by introducing them to Christ who is the only way to fulfill that need for love and acceptance.